Death

I found out yesterday that my great grandma wasn't feeling good so my grandma took her to the hospital. After several hours of  sitting in waiting rooms and waiting for tests, we were told she had a blood clot in her leg and her heart was in a-fib. They wanted to make sure that there wasn't a clot in her lungs. Idk how long she was in the ER but finally got a room and had to wait for a CT this morning. All and all it looks like she's ok for now but its going down hill now. Her heart can't stay like that for long and at 95 years old she's ready for the end. 

Its sort of strange to be going through this now. I've gone through several deaths and loses in my life. I don't know if its because of this or because she is 95 and we knew it could come any time, but I'm very at ease about it. In the past its been so sudden when I've lost a family member, this would be the first time that it would be due mainly to age not some other disease, or anomaly. Part of me wonders if I'm being unattached because I'm not as emotional as I have been. 

I've worried in the past about calls at certain times of night and just dreams about coming home and being told that there's bad news, but now that I'm in that moment and I'm not reacting the same way. Maybe I'm over thinking all this maybe not. At the moment she is in stable condition and being put in a nursing home, but I'm sure it will go downhill from here. 

Hopefully she will go quick and not feel anything.

TDS